Most nights I do that annoying thing where you lay awake and think about all the crud you need to get done. Occasionally I'm awake and feeling philosophical. This happened some time last week, it started like normal where I stare out the huge windows on the eastern and western walls of our home from bed and ponder all things that should wait till morning but don't since its easier to think sans goobers.
I noticed a large twinkling star out the far window to the west. It sure was pretty, twinkling red, white and yellow. Fading in and out of sight. A few times I thought it had disappeared. Then I remembered that because of the speed of light taking a while to get to us at great distances, it's possible some stars are already gone. That this beauty although very real, may be from a dead star. It could have burnt out 5 billion years ago. It's still beautiful to me. It still feels very alive and real. Some day the light may be gone, but I will always remember this moment for some reason.
Because the next night, it was gone. I had a clear view, in the middle of that huge half circle window. I looked for my pretty beacon the next night and its gone. How did I happen to see one star out of the millions in this high mountain sky, think about the possibility of it disappearing, then it actually happen? I felt cheated. I knew it was possible. Yet, I didn't think it would actually happen to me. I didn't think that it would make me so sad or angry. But it did.
I think subconsciously it reminded me of recent events. My Gramsy just passed away. I knew it was coming. I had much the same reaction to her death as I did to the star. It's hard to be out of control, to be so far away from the things that we feel so close to.
However, there's something that I realized here. After our physical bodies are gone, there are memories of us; Bright, happy, meaningful memories that will stay with others for a lifetime. It will effect our loved ones. We will pass on these little stars to our children and to our grandchildren. There's no telling how long the light will fill hearts of the living and make a difference. 5 Billion years?
I still see your light Gramsy. I'll pass it on.
Love and Light. Thank you, my Vanishing Star.
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