Good Day

Today was a good day...

Despite the 5am wake up call of a rambunctious baby who wants to play when the sun hasn't even ventured out yet.

Despite the grouchiness that ensued from exhausted parents wrangling a touchy 2 year old and a baby that kept refusing naps all day.

In spite of the fact that we got zero cleaning done although we were cleaning all day.

Regardless of the butcher knife that wanted to take the tip of my thumb off.

And ignoring the screaming that made me put down the baby in defeat and walk away after 3 failed attempts at bed time.

In spite of ourselves, today was great. August loved decorating the tree with us. Every ornament was a shriek of excitement that sizzled down his body and kept him tip-toeing back and forth with new ones.He was "making Christmas" all day. Since that's how long it actually took.

My husband was home all day for a change, despite one little errand he ran for me. He said several things today that made fall for him all over again. Including but not limited to "Man it's hard to clean this house while watching these two monsters." We high fived on that one. NOW he knows! Also noteworthy was "I'm sorry you're having a hard day." Wow, this man is on a roll!

Then there's the truely magical moment that made it all come together. Phoenix was screaming upstairs after I admitted defeat and retreated to put August down like I do every night. I talked through what could be wrong while with Daddy while he played dinosaurs and fire trucks with August. He nodded and said "I don't know either." My best guess is she is over tired from 2 days of crappy naps. Then when the toys were up and it was time for me to read and sing to August before bed, Daddy slipped away mumbling "I'm going to go pick up the baby." She stopped crying at some point as I was frustratingly trying to keep August in the room for book time and negotiate him into bed. So far this isn't magical, just FYI. That part happens when I went up stairs to take her and try and get her back in the crib. Normally she's awake on his shoulder wide eyed and waiting for me to boob her. I stopped, and ducked into the bathroom in case she awoke. She was actually passed out on his shoulder and then he laid her down in the crib, patted her back and she made not a peep. MAGIC. He confidently charted unknown territory and came out triumphant. I love that man. More and more EVERY day.

That's why today was a good...great day.

10 Things About Me

I write a lot about my kiddos, because they are so fascinating and wonderful to me. So here's a post just about me. 10 things you may not know.

1. I love sushi, especially the raw salmon!
2. I weight less after 2 kids than before.
3. I hated vegetables as a child and now there's very few I won't eat.
4. I raise chickens for both meat and eggs and no, it doesn't bother me to kill the meat birds. They are yummy.
5. I'm an artist.
6. I am an expert marksWOman.
7. I used to smoke cigarettes. And I'm SO GLAD I quit four years ago.
8. My husband is my high school sweetheart.
9. I'm already planning our 10 year wedding vow renewal for March of 2016.
10. I haven't worn heels in approximately 2 years...or more and I hate wearing makeup, it only happens once every few months.

Habit Day 1

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/simple-mini-habits-can-change-life/

The above link is the cause for my new daily blog posts. I'd rather be napping right now. But I'm going to write just 50 words first.

Today I realized that Phoenix doesn't like to nurse. She's been fussy all day. Hungry, but yet fighting me every time I tried to nurse her. It's frustrating. Eat the crap that's best for you child! I thought it was teething, but it happens regardless of if she's on infant advil or not. Breastfeeding is also easiest for me of course, the meal prep time consists wholly of fidgeting with my shirt and bra for all of 10 seconds.

She won't let me spoon feed her either. With the exception of whole grain infant cereal. She can't just eat that all day. So I steam vegetables or fresh fruit or give her packaged teething biscuits or puffs or whatever. She loves feeding herself. This however is hard since we live a 2hour round trip from the nearest grocery and only make the haul every few weeks. Fresh doesn't last long and I hate freezing and re-thawing. Phooey.

With my son, he ate anything and everything happily that I shoved in his face. He was a boobie monster, NEVER turning a nurse down. He also ate literally everything I ever gave him. I was so spoiled by this!

She will nurse till the cows come home at night or if sleeping. This does not help me. Rather the opposite. Her sleep patterns have improved some since she graduated from bassinet to mini crib. (Thanks Liz for that "Why didn't I do that earlier" advice!)

So today after dealing with the fat lip all morning from her despite giving her fresh plumb and banana and steamed carrots to nibble on and numerous failed attempts to nurse, I fed her a big bowl of organic infant oatmeal. BINGO. She was just still hungry. So now I shall work in feeding her oatmeal or whole grain cereal with every meal I guess. I have some new food pouches on the way for her to try, but so far I've tried 4 flavors from one brand and she flunked them all!

And that's my 363 words for the day ;) Initiate NAP TIME!

Survival Mode

It started out as "sleep regression". That mystical time around 6 months where some babies decide that sleeping through the night is overrated. I made inquiries to "qualified" mothers of multiple children. What do I do? Is it something I've done? Or didn't do? Could it be this or that...dead ends. I have gotten a pretty wide variety of "You're screwed, just wait it out." advice in not so many words. She's now just shy of 8 months old.

Waking anywhere between 4 to 10 times and sometimes countless times a night. Thank God 99.9% of the time she goes right back to sleep after a quick nurse. Sometimes however she decides her bassinet is lined with needles and screams like I'm torturing her when I lay her down. I hate co-sleeping. I worry about the smother factor. I have to lay on my side for the space and in order to facilitate the boob in mouth approach that makes her sleep. I have scoliosis and if I sleep on my side, my back awakes in knots. Every time I move she fusses or yelps, and she eventually wakes up at 5am as opposed to 8am.

Reluctantly, when I'm so tired that I can't trust myself to stay awake holding her and nursing, I take her to bed with me.

Sometimes it's teething. I can tell from the drool and the painful cry when she wakes up. Other times she just...well I'm not sure what it is but she insists on nursing to go back to sleep.

Some of you may be thinking sleep training is the answer. However, answer me this: How then is she the best at falling asleep without nursing during the day, taking 3 naps, 1 of which is a long one. She is "trained" believe me. I just played peekaboo with her and said night night and left. She was out without a peep in 5 minutes...

At first I fought this "ailment" trying to get more solid food in her during the day so she wasn't so hungry at night. FAIL. My milk supply only suffered from the decreased day feeds and then she was nursing MORE at night. I offer her "Nunu" all day, can't make her do it if she doesn't want to. I was a zombie for months. I was lazy and used my exhaustion as an excuse to couch potato and avoid exertion. But then it became routine. I made piece with her habits and preferences. I quit handicapping myself because obviously it's not a quickly passing phase. I got off my butt and got back to things. To cooking(real food) and cleaning regularly and even exercising every night. It helped tremendously to be more active. I think(knock on wood) she's finally starting to pull out of the "never let mommy sleep" phase. I hope so at least. But if not, hey, it's still a phase. She will eventually wean and be done with this madness.

The part that both boggles the mind and makes it all pretty bearable, is that she is so easy going and happy during the day. At least I don't have to deal with colic. Kudos to you colic baby having mommies. I'm not sure I could do that.

I did cut out all unnecessary tasks (like writing blogs before bed :P) so that I could streamline my day and save a little energy. And I make myself take naps when I still struggle to stay awake long enough to finish a plate of food. It's my survival mode. I do what needs to be done quickly, then rest.

Some day I'll wish to be here again right? I think I'll wish for months 2-5 again more. I already do! Hah. She's just so darn worth it though! Really... the goober...

Life with to 2 Kids, Month 6

Yesterday I had a easy newborn that napped all the time and a toddler who was potty training. Oh wait, that was 6 months ago. They do grow too fast! 6 months into this dual child parenting thing, and its not easier. But it's better(on non teething and/or growth spurt days that is)!

Today, I have a well potty trained 2.5 year old boy and a 6 month old baby girl who is on the verge of starting solid food, sitting up un-assisted, and rolling over to her stomach. She can roll from tummy to back since 3 months old but has no motivation for anything tummy related. That's the only main similarity between her and her brother. He crawled briefly(for a few weeks) then walked at 9 months old. I guess maybe they don't see adults crawling around on the floor so they don't feel the need to! ;)

Auggie is quickly developing his empathy and compassion. He is finally using these skills with his sister. He affectionately refers to her as Pheety now, although I have got him to say Phoenix a few times. At least she's not just "Baby" anymore. He still wants to take his toys from her but will replace them with a toy of his choice when asked. The past few days the replacement toy of choice is one of his large play construction nails.

He tells me when he sees her in need of my attention "OH NO Mommy, YUCKY, Pheety pook!" - She spit up. "Pheety fall down!" - She fell over wherever I had her propped up. He also likes to join in games with her like blowing raspberries on her tummy and cheeks, kisses all over, peek-a-boo, or funny faces/noises.

We only have one room for the kids to share and as she quickly out grows the bassinet by our bed, I'm faced with a few conundrums.
#1 Auggie needs to transition to a big boy bed and out of a night time diaper soon. My plan for that is putting a potty in his room and let him go a he pleases at night. His aim is great and he's gotten the hang of navigating his pants down and up since we've been working on that lately.
#2 If Auggie has free reign of his room at night, he would have access to the babies crib. I've heard of cage like tops for cribs but in case of fire or emergency, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with this.
#3 Phoenix will be teething on and off and I'm worried of that bothering her brother in the middle of the night.
#4 I'm thinking of waiting until she is 1 to put her in his room, but that means getting another small crib for upstairs until then. I want to avoid more baby paraphernalia if at all possible.
#5 Who goes to bed first? And since Phoenix will likely be getting up earlier to nurse in bed with me and sleep a little more, will this wake Auggie up for the day and "ruin" my morning baby snuggles?

I guess I'll just take it one day at a time for now. I'll get Auggie transitioned into a big bed, then night trained, and we'll see where Phoenix is as far as her schedule at that point.

This household is an ever evolving organism. I spend a LOT of time trouble shooting for solutions to make us all happier. But we are indeed already very happy. What works from one day to the next isn't st in stone. Flexibility is my new trait to master while keeping a tight schedule for my son so he feels secure and knows what to expect. 

Tell Her She's a Great Mom

My daughter is 6 months old. She has this awesome trick that she does where she not only has week long growth spurts, but then backs it up with another week of teething. She did this at her 4 month growth spurt, and now her 6 month. Somewhere towards the end of week 2 of waking up at all hours to breastfeed, I start to wonder if it's something I'm doing wrong. Maybe she's just in the habit of eating at all hours now?! It's a horrific thought. I NEED my sleep to be the best mother I can be. I get very impatient after the grueling days of sleep deprivation.

As if it's not enough when she's getting up sometimes TEN times a night, there always seems to be a conspiracy of cats tickling my face and random other occurrences that sometimes make me want to pull my hair out. Example:

The past two nights went like this. 8:00 PM kids in bed. 9 PM, 10:30, 12:00, 1:45, and 2:30 baby woke to nurse. I gave her some infant advil at that point. Then my 2.5 year old son woke screaming. I ran downstairs to find him bawling and saying "Play Cars!" Really Auggie? You are crying because you want to play with your toy cars?! So I had him pee instead, then sang him one song and back to bed. By this time Baby Girl was already screaming bloody murder again and my half awake husband's reply was that she sounded like she was calming down, so he didn't pick her up... Nurse and return to bassinet. What the Hell is that bright light shining through the window now? Oh the neighbors truck. They parked and pointed the lights slightly not right in my window but I guess its one of those lights that stays on until it goes off thing, which at 3:00AM feels like 30 minutes. This got me thinking about how I need to get the sewing machine set up very soon to make the curtains...by the way where did I put all that material?...etc...Insert Cat that thinks it's awesome to to purr in my face and tickle me at 4am. Then Baby Girl again at 5AM. But I think we got to sleep in until 8 after that. Fast forward to last night...

Similar baby scenario. Dogs barked ALL NIGHT LONG. Similar cat shenanigans. I got to see an amazing sunrise and almost considered waking the Hubbster up to see it but quickly came to my senses. At 6:45AM I wasn't asleep because my adorable daughter had been laying next to me shrieking like a tiny happy banshee after the beautiful sunrise. Then the cherry on this sundae was the donkey hee-hawing it up right outside my sons window. Thanks Johnny... So then this started the chain reaction of over-tired pre-schooler crying about everything under the sun.

He simultaneously wanted to be held, sit next to me, under the blanket, me to bring him juice, to eat cereal, no scratch that, a can of peaches, then neither, and to put a movie on. My Husband had had about enough of the whining when I just clicked. The poor kid was just as upset as we were that the screeching baby and donkey had woken us up. So I held him as he replied to a frustrated dad inquiring as to why he was still crying. "I SAD!" I negotiated:
"Awe honey I know. Are you tired too?"
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry, Did that donkey wake you up?"
"Yeah, donkey..."
"He was loud wasn't he? It sounded like he was next to your window."
"Yeah Donkey window! See donkey?" And then he searched briefly for it out the window to no avail. The crying had stopped and then he finally decided it was time to eat the bowl of peaches and cereal. He just needed to be understood and acknowledged.

Both my babies were happy and playing, but I was still dog tired, I wanted to crawl in a hole and sleep for a week. I felt like I couldn't possibly hold it together by the straws I was grasping. My hubby had gone outside to let the chickens out and when he returned he gave me a kiss on the forehead and said the words that healed my heart and restored my self faith:

"Auggie, You have such a great Mommy. Do you know that? Man, you are lucky to have such a great Mommy. "
A - "Yeah, good Mommy"
Hubby - "Can you tell her thank you and I love you?"
A- "I Love you, Thank you"

I went on to have the most lovely day with my children behaving like angels and I even squeezed in a 30 minute nap. The Hubby came home and cleaned the kitchen and cooked us dinner too. Love that man!

So spouses and friends of mommies everywhere. Take the time to tell those mommies in your life that have dark circles, forgot to brush their hair for what looks like the 4th day in a row, not to mention shaving their armpits and/or legs too, that they are great and doing a great job. Tell them whether they are having a good day or bad. Tell them frequently. It makes more difference than you realize. It makes them believe in themselves more, which makes it easier to push through the really hard days.

Rare Spontaneous Nap Time

Chill Pills

On a relatively good day I sometimes ask myself “What am I doing wrong?” and there are days where the question is “What am I doing right?” because I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Today was a “What am I doing wrong day”, thankfully. Things I probably did “wrong” include yelling at Auggie to stop yelling at me. Letting him get away with things because timeout was inconvenient at the time was also one. I’m pretty sure I used foul language several times today too. Those are things I’m conscious of; The things I try to work on so that I can be a better mommy. What made me ask myself “What am I doing wrong” is something new. It worries me. It makes me feel like we may have screwed up on a whole new level. The hubs was also very concerned. 

It all started during a ruckus over naptime a few days ago. I sang to Auggie and rocked him for a minute as always and put him down for his nap. He was happy and didn’t fight it. I went outside to do my chicken chores and change the laundry. When I came back, he was asking to poop from his crib with mild urgency. I took him to the potty and started washing up and patiently telling him to go or at least try to or he was going straight back to bed. He was goofing off, asking me “Long leg go?” and trying to play the game we normally play on the pot where he makes funny faces and gestures that I copy. I told him that the daddy long legs are likely taking a nap as he should be, and that I wasn’t going to play right now because it was nap time. He continued to rope me into playful banter yet I held firm. A fly landed in his hair and he tried to catch it accidentally pulling out a hand full of hair. I told him “Oh no, that must have hurt! Be careful, honey.” 10ish minutes total passed and I had to carry him kicking and screaming back to his crib. 

He began screaming as if I was torturing him and pleading “POO POO PLEEEEASE!” I had to walk outside where I could still hear him but I could calm my nerves and think. I’d give it 5 minutes and assess if he had calmed down at all or not. He hadn’t so I went back in. He had climbed out of his crib and was shaking the door still pleading. So I opened it, got on his level and told him he could go, but he must get to business quickly. 

He went immediately. Then he faked it for another 10 minutes. I was patient and was wiping his tears, calmed him down, and told him it was time to go back to sleep (if he had ever really fell asleep in the first place). Each time I tried to lead him back to bed, he would cry for the potty again and so I would put him there and tell him to hurry and try. I tried leaving the bathroom so he would get bored. Yet, the playing prevailed. Then he started pulling out hair again! I calmly told him not to do it. He then did it again. At my wits end, I tried to take him back to bed once more to no avail. I looked at the time, it had been an hour and 45 minutes since he originally went down for said nap…I gave up. If he needed my attention so bad that he has resorted to hair pulling, I thought, then so be it.

Fast forward to tonight. I’m rocking him and singing his nighttime song, Somewhere over the Rainbow, after Daddy has played cars with him and read him 2 books. The normal bedtime routine. He’s smiling at me and then BAM, rips out a handful of hair again. Smiles at me, then looks at his hand to see just how much he got…I said “Why would you pull out your hair? Doesn’t that hurt? Please don’t pull out your hair.” He never stopped smiling and I caught his hand before it made its second grab. I got mad and did my best to not yell so it came out like that scary growly voice that moms do so well. “Do NOT do that again, it’s BAD. You will get in trouble if you do it again.” Then went right back into my happy rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. I was watching him lay there with that “OK, I’ve snapped out of it. Yeesh” Look on his face, wondering what we could have ever done to make him want to hurt himself like that… I have a new found guilt for a few things I did as a teen and how my parents must have felt.

Daddy heard it all go down. He was waiting to find out what Auggie had done. He said “I hope he’s ok…” My immediate response was “Why wouldn’t he be? It’s probably just a phase. He’s 2, another ploy for attention probably.” But my other half had a powerful rebuttal “How much attention does he need? He gets SO much attention!” Well, it’s true. I’m a stay at home mom. I give him as much attention as I can every day. Yet lately he has been very needy. He screamed at me to hold him for 5 minutes as I made his lunch today (remember when I said I had yelled at him not to yell at me?) There’s only so many times I can calmly tell a child that I have to cook him lunch because he did after all just get done crying about being hungry. I’m not perfect. No one is. 

So why is my baby boy yanking hair out then? This is something I’d be googling if the internet wasn’t down right now. He gets a lot of attention. He gets one on one with both me and Daddy several times a day. We read him 4 books a day. He gets at least an hour of outdoor play a day. He gets as much free play as he wants on top of that(which is a lot lately). He could be getting his top 2 year molars, yet I don’t think that would cause pulling hair. Especially not with a smile on his face…Maybe it is just to stall; to cause a ruckus to prevent the inevitable nap? Hopefully. I’ll have to settle on that for now. It’s only happened twice. It may not ever happen again. Yet, it’s one of those things a parent has panicked thoughts about and stays up late worrying over. So let me just recap today’s highlights instead:

Bareback riding: After asking Auggie to pull up his undies and pants after peeing, he decided it was easier to take them off completely. This was fine since we were home for a while. He rode his huge plush horse around the house sans pants and took it off of sweet jumps(like a pile of blankets). Some of which he did not land well and quietly exclaimed “oh nooooo.”  He’d roll around and assess his horse before getting up and moving on. “Two, threeeeeee!” He’d say as he jumped his pal over toys in his room. 

Dance party: We danced for the better part of an hour. Twirling, giggling, and romping around like…well, children. He impressed with new steps and gestures and enjoyed running through my legs. There were several minor injuries and Daddy said to calm it down. We didn’t listen. Baby Phoenix enjoyed the show, especially when Mommy got the muslin blanket and flung it about in an almost keep away dance game with Auggie. He was also, still, sans pants. 

Those are the bits that remind me to take a pill, of the variety chill, and rest easy knowing I’m doing my absolute best.