Survival Mode

It started out as "sleep regression". That mystical time around 6 months where some babies decide that sleeping through the night is overrated. I made inquiries to "qualified" mothers of multiple children. What do I do? Is it something I've done? Or didn't do? Could it be this or that...dead ends. I have gotten a pretty wide variety of "You're screwed, just wait it out." advice in not so many words. She's now just shy of 8 months old.

Waking anywhere between 4 to 10 times and sometimes countless times a night. Thank God 99.9% of the time she goes right back to sleep after a quick nurse. Sometimes however she decides her bassinet is lined with needles and screams like I'm torturing her when I lay her down. I hate co-sleeping. I worry about the smother factor. I have to lay on my side for the space and in order to facilitate the boob in mouth approach that makes her sleep. I have scoliosis and if I sleep on my side, my back awakes in knots. Every time I move she fusses or yelps, and she eventually wakes up at 5am as opposed to 8am.

Reluctantly, when I'm so tired that I can't trust myself to stay awake holding her and nursing, I take her to bed with me.

Sometimes it's teething. I can tell from the drool and the painful cry when she wakes up. Other times she just...well I'm not sure what it is but she insists on nursing to go back to sleep.

Some of you may be thinking sleep training is the answer. However, answer me this: How then is she the best at falling asleep without nursing during the day, taking 3 naps, 1 of which is a long one. She is "trained" believe me. I just played peekaboo with her and said night night and left. She was out without a peep in 5 minutes...

At first I fought this "ailment" trying to get more solid food in her during the day so she wasn't so hungry at night. FAIL. My milk supply only suffered from the decreased day feeds and then she was nursing MORE at night. I offer her "Nunu" all day, can't make her do it if she doesn't want to. I was a zombie for months. I was lazy and used my exhaustion as an excuse to couch potato and avoid exertion. But then it became routine. I made piece with her habits and preferences. I quit handicapping myself because obviously it's not a quickly passing phase. I got off my butt and got back to things. To cooking(real food) and cleaning regularly and even exercising every night. It helped tremendously to be more active. I think(knock on wood) she's finally starting to pull out of the "never let mommy sleep" phase. I hope so at least. But if not, hey, it's still a phase. She will eventually wean and be done with this madness.

The part that both boggles the mind and makes it all pretty bearable, is that she is so easy going and happy during the day. At least I don't have to deal with colic. Kudos to you colic baby having mommies. I'm not sure I could do that.

I did cut out all unnecessary tasks (like writing blogs before bed :P) so that I could streamline my day and save a little energy. And I make myself take naps when I still struggle to stay awake long enough to finish a plate of food. It's my survival mode. I do what needs to be done quickly, then rest.

Some day I'll wish to be here again right? I think I'll wish for months 2-5 again more. I already do! Hah. She's just so darn worth it though! Really... the goober...