Homesick

I'm homesick. For the first time that home is in Timberon, New Mexico. All of our physical possessions are loaded on a trailer. Well actually Jeremy is still trying to reorganize some of it to fit securely for the long haul. But, our first home is empty. If we hadn't had a deadline with Freddie Mac of 3pm yesterday to get out, I may have had time to get sappy about it. I did for maybe 5 seconds picking up our dogs and cats and pulling out of the driveway. I had a good 5 seconds of ugly cry before I turned it off so I could drive back to my 17 month old, very consumed with Mommy at the moment, toddler. I cried a tear for the first time we slept there feeling oh so accomplished as young adults. A tear for getting through the house fire and rebuilding it just how we wanted. A tear for bringing our first born home and watching him happy and giggling through all the wonderful stages of the first year. His first words were spoke in that home. The first time he said Mama was in that home.

But the happiness and loving memories I have of that home are only held within its walls. It served us well, but that's the thing about reality. Location, location, location! The neighbors will be dearly missed. Well, only 2 households on our street really. Not the house that had the drive-by shooting for sure. Those 7 gun shots rang a very loud wake-up call at 2 am 2 years ago. It's just taken us a while to finally get out. And out we are!



It seems like each breath I take is a sigh of relief right now. It was a daunting task just getting this far. Both Jeremy and myself were at wits end, completely overwhelmed with the seemingly endless amount of stuff in that home! Much was thrown away. Or given away. Many times words were flung about as we tried to muck our way through the last few hours. Sweaty and exhausted; desperate. It definitely didn't help that Auggie was there the entire time. He didn't understand why all his things were gone, but he watched movie after movie and was relatively good until the TV was packed up. Then all bets were off. I had to hold him, chase him, everything short of lock him in the dog kennel with the cats (well, he actually spent some time in the empty dog kennel on his own accord). Jeremy had to take the brunt of the work because of the pregnancy and he was a champion about it. Not to say there weren't several times we wanted to throw things at one another. But it's DONE. Thank you 8lb 5oz baby Jesus, its DONE!

Now we are staying at Jeremy's parent's home so he can finish a few jobs before me make the long haul. I'm ok with that. I'm so glad we didn't have to drive 14 hours after all that mess yesterday. (Harvey and Liz you're champions for doing that!) Yeesh. But my heart is hurting to be home. To start building memories as we finish building our home just in the nick of time before it's too cold. But by God we will have it done! By the hair of our chinny chin chins we'll be in our new home just in time to snuggle up for the winter and get our plans and affairs in order for the coming year. Just in time to enjoy Auggie's first snow ball fight, first crunchy walk in the snow, first sled ride, first hot cocoa... I cannot wait.

Years ago I was worried about moving to such a secluded place. I had no friends there. No family. How can you get by with no moral support from loved ones? But this question too was answered almost as quickly as I had asked. Jeremy's parents have always wanted to move there eventually and are nearing that goal. My brother fell in love with the mountains on a trip one year with us. He vowed to live there too. Awesome! That's one more down. Then after hearing of our plans to move, and of course after a trip there for thanksgiving where she fell in love with those vast, calm, awing views, my mother said one day  "Wait a minute, so let me get this right. Your brother is going to move there, You guys want to move there, which means my grand babies will be there......Well, we should too!" A few months later they found the perfect place and will eventually move but will frequently visit. Then my brother fell fast and furiously in love with the most wonderful woman I could have hoped for and she too fell just as quickly for Timberon. They beat us there with their new little bundle of joy by a few weeks. But I'm so glad we were able to share this place with them. All of them.

Then of course there is the locals. Everyone I seem to meet I like. Jeremy already has several very good friends and I definitely approve! Finally a place with "our kind of people"! People that don't look at us cross eyed when we talk about frivolous society and the need to get back to the basics. These people just get us! It's wonderful! We've been welcomed with open arms by most (of course there are a few nay-sayers asking why they "Keep getting all these displaced Texans") But I expect as soon as they need a hard worker that can weld and fabricate anything imaginable and taste my homemade cookies, they'll be won over like the rest. ;)

It feels good. We're finally on the right path. We're finally, almost, out of Houston. We're starting on a clean slate and have all the faith in the world that it will be as beautiful as we dreamed. It feels REAL good. :)

Mountain Time

I have so much to say that I don't know where to begin. Lets start with why city life hasn't ever, and will never work for us.

1. Passion. We are passionate people Jeremy and I. We are passionate about the beauty in life. Our interpretation of whats beautiful: the way the desert smells just before the rain or that feeling you get when you're standing on the top of a mountain at the vastness of this beautiful world and humbled by the feeling of how miniscule we are or the contagious laugh of our son and being able to see his firsts. We're passionate about our children. We want to spend more time with them than we do working. I want to be there for them all day, not just two hours before bedtime and an hour in the morning as I'm rushing to make it to work. Passionate too about art. We're both artists at heart and frankly, when you're tied down to a mortgage, you have no time or money to try to get noticed and make money, much less create said art. Jeremy is lucky enough to be contracted to do his sculptures at times, but I myself have no time to draw or paint.

2. Money. We don't have much. Not enough to be able to explore our passions. We haven't been on a vacation that wasn't to New Mexico where lodging is free thanks to my wonderful in-laws since our honeymoon(6 years ago) and that was paid for by, again, my wonderful in-laws. I have to work full time to afford our home, at a job that my heart just isn't in.

3. Mortgage. To live here, you have to either rent or pay a mortgage. Well we chose mortgage before we had really thought about it; before we had figured out that we just can't raise our family here. When our house caught fire 4 months after moving in, I wish we'd have had the common sense to move then and there and build our home in the mountains. I kick myself for not realizing that.

4. Noise. Seriously? Can we just get a quiet moment to look up at the stars and hear only our own thoughts? This neighborhood is riddled with so much noise, not just during the day, but motorcycles at night, mosquito sprayers(spraying god only knows what into the air), cars with speakers on the OUTSIDE?!, and even gun shots once. NOT COOL. I need a place that I can foster my creative energy without loud rap music interrupting the peace in my heart.

5. Family. We want more than one child. Daycare costs would not facilitate this. I want to be a stay at home mom. Again, we couldn't afford the mortgage on just Jeremy's pay if I were to do that. The greatest joy in our life is our children. We want the best for them. Nobody can care for them better all day then one of us.

6. Society. Society is seriously flawed here. I drop my son at daycare, where they feed him microwaved food with little nutrients. They at least love him there, and he learns some, but the food thing gets me. I try to feed him nutrient dense breakfast and dinner but he deserves fresh cooked meals that feed his brain. I know that I could teach him more too. The kid is seriously extremely intelligent and a sponge for learning. Then everyone rushes to work, angry, honking at each other, cussing, cutting each other off. The HATE I experience on the way to work is stupid. Just stupid. Then I get to work, where lets just say it's far from a loving respectful environment. I work hard all day. Then I leave. More traffic. Stop to get my exhausted son from daycare. Hear about how his day went in little detail. I get home exhausted and soak up family time until my son goes to bed at 8. Then I do my chores and shower and crawl into bed to do it all again. Why? For what? This house? In this neighborhood I loathe? In this city full of hate? Full of over populated and under budgeted schools. Full of polluted smoggy air? People everywhere living so wastefully when they have the means not to and they refuse to make the effort. Is this a good nurturing environment for our children?

NO. Not in my book. They deserve better. They deserve a town that people smile and wave at you as they pass on the road. Teachers in school that have the extra time to spend with each student. Where they can take a vacation to the top of the mountain to be humbled, ANYTIME. Where they can look up through crystal clear smog free sky and marvel at the vastness of the millions of stars blinking back at their big wondrous eyes. Where the weather is almost always pleasant unless its a snow day, in which case is still fun! Where Mommy's only job is to nurture their little bodies and minds and make sure they're happy. A place full of love, not hate. Isn't that what life is supposed to be about? Love. Being around people you love. Doing what you love. Spreading that love to others. That makes sense to me. After years of praying for guidance each night, my dreams have been filled with nightmares of what's to come here and dreams of a better way. Recently I had a dream that really spoke to me. It was about love. The lack of love in society and that if we didn't start putting it into everything we do and removing the negativity from our lives there would be consequences.The dream ended with a vision of myself happily and peacefully creating art. Spending time with my son. Teaching him, tickling him, and loving on him. Spending time with my husband and loving him deeply. The mountains were in the backdrop of this dream and golden rays of sunshine lit the room and seemed to bathe it in Love. I awoke in tears. I knew our plan was right.

Our plan has been to move to Timberon, NM. It's a quiet, slow paced, SMALL town that houses about 200 permanent residents and only 2 gas pumps. Jeremy has been building a home for us there for over a year now. We have been blessed with finding many things we need to facilitate building for very cheap or free. The house is just plumbing, electrical, a little framing, and a lot of finishing touches away from being done. We will be moving mid September and although the task itself is daunting for this Native Houstonian who has only traveled a handful of times in her life, I feel anxious to get there and start living life happily. I'm done with the grindstone. It won't get us anywhere here. But a hard days work in the garden always puts a healthy meal on your plate, and you can't get fired from that job. Now that's job security. :) We'll have a chicken coop, a greenhouse, a garden, and more meat to hunt than you can shake a stick at, and Love, lots of Love. :)

Just to give you perspective on just how small this town is, here's our "Mall" lol:

And here's just one of the amazing views from the top of the mountain: